Wednesday, October 20, 2010
I've got a few minutes before lab meeting so I thought I would dash off a few thoughts. A couple of days ago, I found some old pictures from late 1995. I am sitting on our old couch with two little boys sitting next to me looking pleased as punch to be sitting next to their dad. Caleb was two and Dan was about 7 or 8 months. I remember thinking at the time how hard life was. As you all know, children are expensive and extremely time consuming. It is easy lose your identity to parenthood. As additional children were welcomed into our home, life got even harder. At one time, we had three children in diapers and I was beginning to rethink this whole parenthood thing. But you know what, I would love to have those days back. You see, I could do no wrong in the eyes of my children. I was welcomed home with little arms wrapped around my legs and tiny voices vying for my attention, trying to tell me about sprinklers or bugs or new scrapes. Now, I have to ask them how their day went and the response is, "Fine", if I am lucky enough to get a response at all. When I get home from work early, I get rolled eyes and a grumbled, "Oh, great, Dad's home. Now I am going to have to work." Michelle and I have been the recipients of so much disrespect and disobedience lately that I literally can't wait until they are old enough to legally be kicked to the curb. Yes, I do feel a little guilty about that but I don't know how much longer I can put up with the arguing, backbiting, fighting, and overall selfishness. I sat down on my bed Sunday night after spending 10 minutes yelling at them (well, 2 minutes yelling and the remaining 8 waving my finger in their faces trying not to yell as I lectured them) feeling like a failure as a parent. I couldn't help but wonder if I have done everything I can do to teach them the gospel. I don't know what decisions they will make in the future. I just hope they will be the right ones or they will be miserable even if they don't realize it at this point in time.
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2 comments:
How frustrating for you. But, you are a good dad! I think we all have times when we wonder if we have done all we could. I feel that as long as we are doing our best, that is what matters. You have good kids and you are good parents!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm there myself today. Right now as a matter of fact. I'm the "worst mom ever" -- all because I insist on Geoff going to scouts tonight instead of a 6th grade roller skating party. Good grief. I'd shout his hair back, but I've learned all too quickly that it doesn't help at all. He's in his room for the next 1 1/2 hrs instead. Every backtalking, mouthing off gets him additional time. So far, he's not learned too quickly today....At least it's quiet now.
I think we all have these days. Especially those days when we feel we've just screwed up as parents and wonder what we're doing wrong. At the end of the day, all we can do is trust that the Lord will make our weaknesses as parents stronger and our kids ultimately have the choice to do what they will with your example.
Breathe deep. I know I'm already dreading those tempermental teen years. I'm sure both of my older kids are priming me up now for what's to come. Yikes.
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