Ok, I need some help. I wrote on my blog that there was going to be a new visitor to our blog. For those of you that don't know who it is, I will fill you in.
Mike encouraged me to send in a story that I wrote about the boys. I had no intention of doing anything with it but he kept bugging me so I sent it out to all of you in an email and asked for your opinion. Some of you gave it and some of you didn't. I wasn't sure if it was a very good story or not. Without me knowing, Gilly sent it to a publisher where she works and the lady told Gillian that it was one of the best children's books she's ever read since working there. I was shocked. I wondered if she was just being nice. Anyway, because of her encouragement (and Mike's) I sent some query letters to different agents that would take the book to a publisher for me.
I got a response very quickly from a lady in New York. She asked to see my story and then wrote back and asked to see any other stories I might have and asked to visit my blog. It has been very exciting and has caused some anxiety in me.
She asked me to make some changes. Most of the changes were things I already felt uncomfortable about and ones that I had gotten feedback about. None of them were huge changes. She did mention in her email something that has stressed me out for a week now though. She said something like, "I really think you could think of something hillarious and memorable to say here that could make the book. Give us the best you've got." Choke. So, I am stumped. I've been trying to think of something. Because she wants it to be funny and memorable it is making it much harder for me.
I am asking for your opinions.
Here are two options. Please let me know what you think and give me any feedback or tell me what you would say. If you haven't read the story yet, go find it in your email and read it, then come back here and give me your opinion. If you think of anything funny or memorable, please pass it on. Thank you!!
Option 1
I thought for sure he had left, but the next morning when Mom asked me to put my clothes on, I started to say yes, when suddenly, I felt a scratch behind my ear and I said, “No! You are the meanest, worstest Mommy I’ve ever met!” Was Mom ever mad! She said, "Did that naughty bug get in your mouth? We’re just going to have to wash him out!" So, mom washed my mouth out with soap. I really hoped he left that time because that soap tasted disgusting. Yuck!
Option 2
I thought for sure he had left, but the next morning I made my sister cry when I called her a Sniggle Sneaky Snook. Was Mom ever mad! She said, “This is one nasty bug. I know you would never have called your sister a name so maybe that bug got in your mouth. We will just have to wash him out!” So mom washed my mouth out with soap. I really hoped it worked because I never wanted to taste that soap again.
Option 3
I thought for sure he had left, but the next morning I said to my sister, You're a Pansy Sissy Girl." Was Mom ever mad! She said, “This is one nasty bug. I know you would never have called your sister a name so maybe that bug got in your mouth. We will just have to wash him out!” So mom washed my mouth out with soap. I really hoped it worked because I never wanted to taste that soap again.
8 comments:
Option 2 - we've already talked about it.
I've changed my mind - I think kids forget that moms have feelings and that it's bad to call them names. Go with that one.
I like the first one Aids. I remember saying to mom that she was the meanest worstest mommy even though she isnt, and I remember it used to make her cry. I am a horrible child haha! And I like the yuck at the end, because it sounds like something a child would say.
I like the option 1 and 2 a lot, but I think I like option 1 the best! -Jen
Option 1 is the best. The phrase uttered by the kid most represents something that would warrant a mouth washing. Plus, the other two seemed a little fake. The response from the mom sounds like she's being somewhat nice but then washes the mouth out with soap. Punishment doesn't fit the mom's reaction. #1!!! -Jester
I like the first one too but Mike does not and it isn't very funny, which is what she wants.
What about if he spits and the mom says, "Let's see how the naughty bug likes hot sauce."
Congrats Adrianne! I haven't ever been called any names by my kids (yet), and I think my reaction would be hot sauce. I think that is very funny and very true.
Number 1 is the superior choice out of the three. Not number 2 for sure, unless you want it to sound like a dr. seuss book.
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